Available for consulting

Obviously, Cameron Diaz doesn't run her life decisions by me. But I do question her choice to pose for those sexytown pics running in Esquire UK's November issue. Listen, there's no doubt she looks fantastic. But I do kind of wish hot women would start telling photographers that they don't have to strip down to their underwear and pose as though they're currently having sex in order to sell magazines. I think it's far less empowering than people claim it is. But hey, that's my opinion, and as I said, Cammy D isn't checking with me before she does stuff. I just wanted to get that out of the way before I posted this link, in which you'll get to see one of the images.

Since that's not where I want you to look anyway. Focus your eyes a bit south of Cammy's tush, and you'll see a just-as-disturbing phrase. Disturbing for a couple of reasons, that is.

My homecoming hairstyle was SUPER 80s. Even though it was the 90s.

1st line, my friends. "Guess THEY'RE back on." This one drives me NUTS, y'all. Telling the difference between when each they're/their/there should be used is absurdly easy. THEY ARE back on. THEY'RE back on. JERKS. At least TRY. And it's correct in the next line.

Jump to the last line. I'm confident DR. MARTENS would appreciate you spelling their brand name correctly, website. In case y'all were wondering, the 1460 is the basic 8 hole boot, and yes, if you're in college, you actually do NEED a pair, so get on that, college students. You can't be an angry, politically-aware college student activist without them. Also, they'll drive your parents insane because they are ugly and clunky. So, yay!

(Thanks, MR!)