Back to school

There's a lot of business here that requires our attention. Have a look:

So confusing

JS sent it to me because of that whole THE HE wonkfest at the top of the second paragraph. But there are so many more treasures here to behold! Here are just a few that I see:

• In the first line, why is Year capitalized? WHY?
• Same line as THE HE: canine dogs? Because there are another kind? Actually, that whole sentence is terrible. What's with all the extraneous words? inside OF a portable classroom? Drop the OF. "...inside a portable classroom at Waterbridge Elementary School." With writing, less is almost always perfect. Anytime you can lose a word, do so. This isn't college. You're not trying to hit a word count. You want this as clear as possible. The next sentence is nearly as bad. "Deputies said they got word of..." Awful. "Deputies got word of the break-in..." Why do you doubt the deputies? 
• Here. I'm just going to rewrite the next little bit entirely: "Upon arrival, they surrounded the campus and eventually located the suspect ransacking classrooms, searching for items to steal." 
• In the next bit, the deputies have now become authorities, unless these authorities are different people, in which case they should have been identified. If they're the same, then they should still be deputies. Also, this writer is incredibly fond of calling them "they." This person clearly didn't take the same writing classes I did, where we only got one "they" a paragraph. And even then, we were supposed to make every effort to avoid it. It's very passive writing. Oh, and they wouldn't confirm whether it belonged to the suspect? OY. WHETHER OR NOT. You're missing part of the phrase. Either "they wouldn't confirm IF it belonged to the suspect," OR "they wouldn't confirm WHETHER OR NOT it belonged to the suspect." Basic diction, morons. 

Good grief. Do y'all see anything I missed? Here's the link to the original, in case you want to have a look. It is ROUGH. It's like the station was doing some sort of tour for kids, and had them write up some stories while they were there. Once the kids left, the station decided to go ahead and print the stories. Hey, free labor! Maybe they're friends with the kid, and just wanted to distract us from the story by being terrible writers.

Well done, them, I say. I am completely befuzzled.

(Thanks, JS!)