Presented Without Comment.

Photo by KJ

(Thanks, JR, for sending this in!)

Friday!!!!

We made it. If you have Monday off, I salute you. Please make the most of it. Eat ridiculous amounts of food. Get lots of sleep. Read a book. See a movie. Do not do anything even vaguely work-related. Only get out of bed if you simply MUST. I hereby grant you permission to be a slug.

As usual, please keep in touch with the blog via Facebook, Twitter, or email.

Enjoy your weekend, and I'll see you next week!

Coming up next on HGTV...

Here's another wonky TV listing for you. My friend JM spotted this error a few weeks ago on her DirecTV guide. It's another example of "when spellcheck can't save you."

Photo by JM

Yep, the title is correct. Oh, and what's this episode about? "The Lairs follow a lead about Maya." I HAD NO IDEA LAIRS COULD WALK. I mean, aren't they busy being lairs? The Liars' Lair, if you will? As I said to JM, I can't believe they got Bellisario right, and LIARS wrong. Though DirecTV is probably smart enough to not annoy the Family Bellisario. One does not do that if one knows what is good for, uh, one.

Also, I haven't watched the show. Do they refer to themselves as The Liars? Are they all, in fact, liars? And are these lies completely different from the ones told on the other ABCFamily show, "The Lying Game?" Also, can I point out that there's LOT of lying going on in "Switched at Birth," which is MY very favoritest ABCFamily show? LIES, people. We are awash in a SEA of LIES.

Really entertaining lies that we can't bear to miss week after week. I'm so glad "Switched at Birth" is back next week! Yay!

(Thanks, JM!)

Always a bridesmaid...

Maybe a year ago, I got an Apple TV. Mainly, I got it because I had a gift card for Apple that was pretty small, and I just couldn't think of anything else to get, because I didn't need a keyboard or a mouse. So, I got the Apple TV, and it's fine. The main problem I have with it is that it doesn't have HBOGO, which would be really, REALLY handy. Anyhoodle, when my brother found out I got it, he then got me an iTunes gift card for my birthday, so I can rent movies through it, which is delightful. Except that I'm not really much of a sit-around-and-watch-a-movie person. I know. It's weird. But I'm not. I'll park myself in front of the TV for HOURS in order to get through a full TiVo, but for some reason, committing myself to a 2 hour movie just seems so EXTRAVAGANT. Which leaves me with a chunk of money on the iTunes gift card, and in constant search of something that will be worth my free money AND time. That's not too much to ask, right?

The other night, I stumbled across this movie, which I've heard good things about. I love a comedy, after all. And I've been a bridesmaid, what, 4 times now? With active participation in 2 other weddings, I think. I have some perspective, is what I'm saying. But this listing left me cold, for several reasons. Let's have a look.

I refuse to believe ANYONE would willingly watch "The Dictator." Barf. 

Ok, first of all, $9.99 to RENT this movie? Absurd. I get that they're doing a pre-release VOD thing, but that's too much. Second of all, and this INFURIATES me, why isn't Rebel Wilson listed in the cast of this thing? I mean, she's the bride! Is she not enough of a name? Other, ruder reasons? Ugh. And finally, there's that missing apostrophe in the description. So often, we struggle against too many apostrophes, sprinkled throughout text all willy-nilly, and suddenly, we're missing one. Where have all the apostrophes gone? WHITHER THE APOSTROPHE?

Suffice it to say, I did not rent this $10 movie. I feel like I have enough reasons to write a strongly-worded letter, but that seems so dramatic. So I thought I'd just share with y'all!

Speaking of Rebel Wilson, doesn't "Pitch Perfect" look HILARIOUS? I'm in!

Part deux...

Food Wednesday continues apace...

DC sent in this submission featuring errors she'd seen before in the same menu. She actually pointed them out to the staff, but they neglected to fix them. So, she went ahead and sent them on to me. Yay! (for us, I mean. Boo on the restaurant for not fixing them!)

Photo by DC

DC wants us to take note here of the Gecko Burger, which is listed as a 13 LB PATTY. To which I say, HOLY CRAPTOWN, Y'ALL. I can't even mentally picture a 13 lb patty. It's, like, the size of your plate, right? Well, several plates, really. That is LETHAL. And filling, I might add. In addition, down at the bottom, she pointed out the FOOD BOURNE ILLNESS, which is clearly Jason Bourne's younger, less-well-trained brother. If Jason Bourne = death, then Food Bourne = illness. For the record, it should read FOODBORNE ILLNESS. The internet tells me it prefers to be written as one word.

I want you to notice the three grain veggie burger, made of brown rice, quinoa, and bulgur. I cannot imagine a sadder, less-tasty burger. And this is from someone who had to give up burgers made of cow long ago. I enjoy a substitute burger immensely. But not that one. Bleh.

A second photo was in DC's email! Let's take a look:

Photo by DC

I said it in the last post, and I'll say it again. I hate mushrooms, y'all. No matter how you spell them. You can't fool me!

(Thanks, DC!)

Food Wednesday!

I keep thinking that I'll rename Food Wednesday into Menu Wednesday, but then I worry that one day, I'll get a submission that's food-related, but NOT a menu, and I'll be so sad I limited myself. So, for now, we're sticking with Food Wednesday. Yay! You know how it brings me joy!

Last week, I got a text from a friend of mine that I don't get to see very often. We have a very full and fulfilling texting relationship, in which we complain about the people we can't complain about on social media, but we hardly ever get to actually sit down face-to-face. We are both Chatty Kathys, so it's possible this is a good thing, because we can and do go on, sometimes for HOURS, and then I always feel bad about not shutting the heck up sooner, but ANYWAY. This particular text said that my friend was in the area, and invited me out to lunch. Yay! I love lunch! So we met at a local place, and sat down, ordered some stuff, and then I became that WEIRDO that photographs the menu because of all the errors in it. Unfortunately, most of my photos didn't turn out very well, so I've had to go and screengrab from the online menu. In which the errors are replicated perfectly. I guess we can appreciate their consistency? Anyway, on to the errors!

Error the first:

Just FYI, I hate mushrooms, so I did not get this salad. 

This one's easy. ZUCCHINI is spelled with two Cs.

There's always something vaguely off-putting to me about all this mishigas on menus. 

A little more business here. I'd have put hyphens after hormone- and antibiotic-free, as I think it's confusing without. I also would have deleted the return after fish, and while I'm not in love with the unneeded apostrophe after PCB, I understand where they're coming from. All caps is tricksy like this. I probably would have found a way to slip that S to lower case.

Thank you for stopping by, Mr. Quayle.

Homemade is one word. High school and never mind are two words, but homemade is one. I'll allow the e at the end of lasagna.

Is anyone else kinda tired yet?

What is a home duck? Is it like a homeboy or a home slice? I'm guessing they meant to say HOUSE here. It's their house dish. Also, did they suddenly run out of Es? A space between duck and leg might have also been nice.

BEIGNETS. That's how you spell the delectable pastry from Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans. This is, like, some sort of abuse of the word beginner. Or something else that's not right.

And I'm going to conclude with this shot, even though I'm only about halfway through the lunch menu.

Because few things hurt me more than to see a word spelled correctly in one spot (TARRAGON), and then have it spelled incorrectly just a few lines down. It's already there! Just copy it! YOU WERE DOING SO WELL FOR A SECOND THERE.

Obviously, the errors on a menu do not ALWAYS reflect the care put into the food, which was delicious. Combine that with my delightful, tolerant company, and it really was an excellent lunch. Full of blog fodder!

(Thanks, CG, for putting up with me!)

More tragedy

Continuing on with the theme, here's yet another error in the reporting of the loss of Neil Armstrong, sent in by my friend MF. Here, just have a look:

screengrab by MF

Do you see it? Here's a hint: it's not a spelling error. It's a math error. 2012-1930 = 82, and not 87, as this article would have you believe. Listen, I am TERRIBLE at math, but all is made easy by the birth year being 1930. That's math even I can do. And so should you, Hulu writer. Go ahead. Get out a calculator. WE'LL WAIT.

(Thanks, MF!)

A national tragedy

You may have heard that, over the weekend, Neil Armstrong passed away. For me, there are few words to describe how this affected me. I literally would not exist without the space program. My parents met while working at NASA in the early 60s, and while my mother left work just weeks after Armstrong's Moon landing to care for my newborn brother, my father continued to work there until the 80s, when he then moved on to one of their contractors. It's always been a major part of my life, and holds a special place in my heart. Losing Armstrong, one of the pioneers of the modern era (he travelled to an orbiting rock and then WALKED ON IT, and then CAME BACK--with less computing power than what's in your phone, if the internet is to be believed) is a blow our psyches cannot quite fathom yet. Scientists and engineers had to design the craft, but someone had to have the nerve to get in the thing and fly it, and I am sometimes concerned that America isn't encouraging those people anymore. Risk-taking dreamers who are confident enough to fail once and keep going.

Y'all know, of course, whom I think we ARE encouraging. I mean, COME ON.

Screengrab by JF

FOR SHAME. I saw a few posts on the Twitter about how a great many people were so sad about Armstrong having just given up the fight with USADA and now this! Also, more tweets asking who the heck Neil Armstrong is, which is just silly, because you're already on a computer, so google that before the rest of the earth finds out precisely how stupid you really are.

But there is no excuse for a major news agency to have this headline ever appear. EVER. Even for the few minutes it was probably up. "Oh, I typed it out of habit! He's my favorite!" Yes, that's fine. In an email to your mother. Reporting for NBC? NOT COOL.

(FYI, you can find the original screengrab at this link. Thanks to JF, and to AW for pointing this one out to me!)

Yay for disease!

I'm just stealing the subject line of the email this photo arrived in, because it strikes just the right tone. Take a look:

Photo by RP

According to RP, this was a BBQ held at his local grocery store to raise money for this cause. But the sign didn't turn out quite how they meant it, so someone went around and half-heartedly crossed out the "in support of" portion of the signs. Because no one is really in support of Muscular DYSTROPHY. Regardless of how you choose to spell it. On your signs that are trying to get people to come buy things for a good cause. Even if you've used nearly as many exclamation points as words in your sign.

Maybe they were out of yellow paper, so they couldn't print more signs? Who knows. I might have included the NAME of the charity money was being donated to, so people would know. Because people like to know that sort of thing.

Also, I had no idea the Canadians said pop. Is that all of Canada, or is it a regionalism like it is here?

(Thanks, RP!)

I want a new drug.

Good morning! Coffee/morning beverage in hand? Maybe a little pastry to get the day going? Well done. Let's get this party started.

This is just silly. Take a look:

Photo by LJ

Look, seriously. No one wants to see any indication that their doctor (or anyone involved with the practice) might not have studied hard in school. Advice is the noun. ADVISE is the verb. The action. Also, in the previous paragraph, isn't it usually called a scrip and not a script? And also, if you're typing, can't you just type all the letters? I mean, it's not a tweet. THERE'S ROOM.

I understand that this was likely done by the staff of the office, and not the doctor, but as a person running a business, wouldn't you at least like to see the stuff that your clients see when they enter your business? As I said, this would make me uncomfortable. If the doctor/staff doesn't know which word to use, will they know which drug to prescribe me? This is totally not me being sarcastic. If I saw something like this at a doctor's office, I would totally think that. It would freak me out. I'd totally check out ALL the diplomas on the wall when I got to the office, and quietly judge each and every school involved.

Oh, come on. Like you've never done that.

(Thanks, AW and LJ!)

Presented Without Comment.

Photo by CT

(Thanks, CT!)

Caramel, yay!

Yep, I titled this post caramel to get y'all to read it, and because I just finished a caramel from Trader Joe's, and, well, I had caramel on the brain. CARAMEL!

I hope y'all have the best weekend ever! What are you doing? Seeing a movie? Reading a book? Reading back pages of this blog ENDLESSLY? Who wouldn't want to do that? ;)

As usual, here are your reminders: Please keep an eye out for any spelling or grammatical errors you see while you're out and about. My stockpile is looking just a teensy bit thin, so I'd love to see what you find.

And also as usual, remember that you can keep up with the blog on the Facebook and the Twitter, or you can just email me.

Keep an eye out for today's awesome Presented Without Comment, and I'll see y'all next week!

Coffee and computers, hand in hand

Let me just put this picture up, and then we can discuss. I have thoughts.

Photo by DD

Ok, so this is bizarre. Obviously, it's supposed to be plural, and not possessive. STYLUSES. Or styli, as the internet tells me. Fair enough. Also, DD informs me that she took this at her local coffee shop, and has no idea why they sell these items there. Are there a lot of people out there clamoring for a stylus to use with their iPads/tablets/iPhones/what-have-you? I've never used one. Maybe it's a completely different and better portable computing experience. What do I know?

But here's what this photo made me think of. I know that there are some times when you do actually add an apostrophe AND an S to the ends of words that already end in S to make them possessive. But I don't know the rules for this AT ALL. I feel like this is a newish thing that happened after I got out of school, so I missed it. Like, say your last name is Fergus. And you're going to the Fergus' house for dinner. Or is it Fergus's? Do you add the S when the word is singular? Like Bridget Jones's Diary.

I am so confused here, y'all. Please, enlighten me, if you can. I'd also love an explanation for styluses, too. Do you use one? Do you love it? Feel free to take to the blog's Facebook page to tell us all about it!

(Thanks, DD!)

Too many books!

I have a confession to make. I've become a reader who doesn't always get around to reading. It's driving me nuts! How do I, as an unemployed person, not have time to read books? I don't understand it at all. I have a number of series that I follow, so you'd think I'd want to jump on those as quickly as possible, to find out what happens next. But no, I have all these other things I'm doing that prevent me from getting there. Insane.

And that doesn't even take into consideration the books that aren't part of a series that everyone won't shut up about. (Yes, I may be feeling a little pressured by the interwebs to read them.) The latest is, of course, Gone Girl. Everyone loves it! It's amazing! It's a marvel! I MUST READ IT IMMEDIATELY! Ok, I'll get there. I promise.

(An aside: I, um, usually don't like the things other people like. I'm weird. So I'm leery of a book eveyone's loved so much. I could possibly be the jerk that's not on board.)

Anyhoo, it turns the book would provide me entertainment in more than one way. Courtesy of loyal reader RP, here's a clip from p. 136, in which all SPOILERS have been trimmed, I'm told.

Photo by RP

Twice in one line, this publisher (and everyone at the company that's supposed to watch for these things) decided to ignore the fact that Lionel Richie spells his name without a T. As RP points out, it must be difficult to be a celebrity with a differently-spelled name, but I would counter that it should actually make it EASIER in some instances, because it's something unique to cling to. Lionel Richie-without-a-T. See? It's not quite a mnemonic, but it's still memorable. I mean, y'all won't forget, now, will you?

(Thanks, RP. And yes, I really will read the book soon! I've been given a deadline.)

Local flavor

I grew up right on the east coast of Florida. It's as damp and hot as you'd imagine, but it's also very pretty and charming at times, especially in some of the older areas. My mom loves to visit one of those older areas, as it has lots of little shops and restaurants, an old theater, and even one of the historic homes nearby that you can go and have a look at. There are few things my mom likes better than to dig through little boutiques hunting for treasure. This time I found a gorgeous green turquoise pendant, which was exactly what I'd been looking for.

Anyway, in this area there's this great little restaurant we ate at the last time I was home. Mom wanted to go back, so we did, and we both went for the flatbread pizzas this time, instead of the sandwiches, as we'd gotten last time. They were AMAZING. Really. I probably could have just sat there and slowly inhaled this pizza for quite some time, but as usual, the heavens were going to open up on us soon, so we had to get going.

But not before I found THIS gem as well:

The pizza I got didn't make the photo. It had spicy sausage on it. AMAZING.

I got the ORIGINAL flatbread, and not the whole wheat. I was vaguely tempted to ask what "ORIGIONAL" was, because I'm kind of a jerk, but I didn't. Best to not upset the restaurant people while they still control the fate of your food. That's just asking for trouble.

I'm torn, since the food was so good. So, I won't excoriate them. I'll just point out the error, and leave it at that. If they found a way to deliver that pizza to me here in LA, I would be DELIGHTED.

HINT HINT.

Food Wednesday, Florida style

Today, on Food Wednesday, I thought I might share with y'all a couple of souvenirs from my trip last week. Won't that be swell? I thought so.

So, for part of the trip, I went over to the west coast of Florida to do a little research for a project I'm working on. I visited a few museums, went and ate at a couple of delicious restaurants, and ALMOST did a walking tour of the area. Why almost? Because it was 485 million degrees outside, and I broke. The walking tour consisted of mp3s and a map, and we ended up listening to the bits in the car. WITH AIR CONDITIONING. Also, the summer rains got started pretty early the second day, so we would have gotten drenched had we stayed. Like, drenched by rain, and not by sweat. Yeah, yeah, that's gross. It was TOTALLY GROSS. NO LIE.

Anyway, I kept a careful eye out for spelling errors, as one does, and actually ended up letting a few slide by. I lack dedication to my cause in the face of the fires of Hell. Or Hell-like heat. Whatevs. I also opted to not embarrass my family a couple times by stopping everyone to take random pictures. I'm way nice like that. But I didn't let them all go. And of course, the easiest ones to grab were the ones we were already seated for. The menus! Here's an awesome one from a restaurant we stopped at on our side trip. I went to this restaurant because they had a sign out front that said they had sandwiches and cold beer. Done and DONE. In perusing the menu, here's what I stumbled upon:

I got their in-house hefeweizen. I thought you'd want to know. 

"Please allow time for hand-tossed pizzas." is really how I feel that line should read. Yes, I'd add a hyphen. And OF COURSE I would lose the unnecessary apostrophe. Because it's PLURAL, and not possessive. SIGH. They can add that apostrophe to the first item listed, which should probably read "Brewer's Choice." I guess if you're going to get an apostrophe wrong, you should get it wrong repeatedly. Consistency FTW? Sure. We'll go with that.

For the record, the sandwich I got was delicious, and they actually put red onion on it, which is strangely hard to come by in Florida. Red onion is delicious, people. Embrace it! None of this white onion nonsense. Give the white onion a break already. OY.

Some other time we can have a conversation about my lack of feelings for the Hawaiian pizza. Those foods have no business on a pizza. Why would anyone do that to a harmless, delicious pizza? It's like those nutters who put fruit in cake. STOP IT. Cake is perfect on its own. It needs no pretense of health. Oh! And nuts in brownies. LUDICROUS. Chocolate requires no embellishment. It is a CRIME AGAINST CHOCOLATE-KIND AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. Ahem.

So, yeah. No apostrophes in plurals, y'all! It sets me off.

And now, a word from our sponsor.

I have this weird sort-of mental relationship with Disney. I grew up in Central Florida, about an hour away from where the parks are located (note: it was just one park when I was a little kid, though Epcot opened in 1982), and it was always this behemoth out in the middle of nowhere. We didn't go very often, maybe once every couple of years, since it was so expensive. As I got older, and my friends would get comp tickets for participation in various band events, we'd go fairly regularly, and got to be familiar with the parks and their somewhat-creepy ways. And yes, that's how I always thought of it. Everyone who worked there was always TOO happy, in my opinion. The whole place was a little too cheerful, too bright, too busy. All of that adds up to creepy to me.

As a result, I've never been a huge fan, though I enjoy a day of rides just as much as anyone else. Personal favorite? Indiana Jones. Of course I love a ride with a LONG line.

However, I'm fascinated by the Disney machinery. They are MASTERS of marketing, and I suspect they set some sort of standard for promotions and tie-ins. Which is why I was so surprised when I received this submission from not one, but TWO readers. Thanks to NT and L for sending this my way!

Here's the email that was sent:

Is this Mickey break dancing? Isn't that, um, a little out of date?

Don't see the error? Yeah, it's not there. It's in the subject line of the email:

There's a somewhat dirty joke here, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Yeah. Groves. But they spelled it right in the email! GROOVES. This is just amazing to me, that this made it past Disney's phalanx of marketing geniuses. Walt is spinning in his grave! GROVE! GROOVES! Wait, no. The lesson here is to not put away your thinking cap once the beautiful email is built. You still have to send it out, and give people a reason to open it! And I'm guessing that "How does a Mickey Plush GROVE?" is not a reason your bosses would like you to convey.

What do I know? They probably got PLENTY of pageviews for this thing. No press is bad press, after all!

(Thanks to NT and L!)

The Squiggles

Today we're going to look at another great source of spelling/grammar errors: the promotional email. I don't know why it happens so often. In theory, whoever is typing these things up must be doing so on a system that has the Red Squiggle of Doom to tell you when you've misspelled something. I can understand ignoring the Green Squiggle. Sometimes, it doesn't know what it's talking about. But the Red Squiggle is often right, and it's usually worth investigating if it comes up.

Also, if you know you're a bad speller, and you've shut the Squiggles off because they appear all the time, AND you're doing work for an organization, just go ahead and turn those bad boys back on. Even if you find them annoying, I'm pretty sure the company paying you DOES NOT.

This first submission is from my friend MLW. She said that she's gotten TWO emails with this same misspelling, which is really sad, since it's a tremendous story they're promoting. Here's as much of the email as I could screengrab:

You can find this charity on Facebook!

And here's a closeup of the error:

Gesundheit.

Yeah, that's just a shame. As I've said before, it's tough to take your organization/company/manifesto seriously if you can't be bothered to spell it correctly. If you're doing great work and promoting a nice charity, you should take the time to pay attention to the Red Squiggles. They just want you to appear intelligent and respectful.

(Thanks, MLW!)

Local news strikes again!

Back in college, going to New Orleans suddenly became a thing. Yes, I went to school in the Florida panhandle, so we were only about 5-6 hours away from New Orleans, so maybe that contributed. But that was where we went if we wanted to get out of town and get away for a weekend. We also went once for the Sugar Bowl, but as that was essentially a work trip (band geek!), we went back a couple times on our own to check things out. And eat beignets. I've never been a huge drinker, so beignets were always my drug of choice there. That, and spicy wings. I loved it when you could smell the spices burning your nose before the wings even arrived at your table. I wanted those things to make me CRY.

When you visit a place like that, that's mostly set up for tourists, you tend to forget it's also just a regular city, with year-round residents, and homes, and lives. You'd think I'd be a little better about this, having grown up in a touristy area myself, but no. I'm not immune. So, when I got this submission in from loyal reader LD, I saw the word parish, and immediately thought "WHOO NEW ORLEANS PARTY!" It's like a Pavlovian response, right? But that's just silly. And this is a story about a gas bubble! In the bayou of southern Louisiana! SCARY! They've had to evact! Wait. What?

Photo by LD

I checked with LD to be sure they were, in fact, trying to say EVACUATION here. She confirms. It is almost a relief to me that it isn't only my local news that's not able to spell things. Or maybe it was just an attempt to lighten the mood? Probs not.

Perhaps the U and A have already evacuated. They're not waiting around to see what happens. No gas bubble parties for them, to ride it out. They spotted an out, and RAN. Seems like a good idea to me!

(Thanks, LD!)

Back in the saddle

Happy Monday, everyone! I'm pretty happy, since I'm safely back in my own apartment, surrounded by all of my things, which I always miss when I'm away. I will definitely be spending some quality time with the TiVo in the near future, just to remind it of how I love it so.

I spotted quite a few errors while out and about last week, and frankly, I just had to let some of them slide. I was honestly feeling a little overwhelmed. It got to be depressing! But here's a good one, spotted when my mom and I took her car over to be serviced.

Photo by moi

I think the saddest part is how the word is correct on the key fob, and they probably could have seen that when they taped it down, but still didn't bother correcting it. For the record, it's PREFERRED. Like on the key fob. NOT like on the paper.

Sometimes it's a wonder I made it out alive, y'all.

Presented Without Comment.

Photo by MR

(Thanks, MR!)

FRY DAY.

Friday, y'all. It's been a very interesting week for me, at least, being home, and hanging out with my mostly ill family. My niece is now officially 1 year old, and is already well on her way to being a teenager. She already gets this fantastic look on her face where she clearly thinks her entire family is loonypants, and she is only just barely tolerating us. JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OLDER, KID.

As always, please keep in touch! I found some great errors this past weekend, which you'll get to see in the coming week, but I'm always eager for more! Keep 'em coming, y'all. I am DELIGHTED every single time something comes in!

Check out the links on the right side of the page if you'd like to follow along on twitter, or like on Facebook, or send me an email. I am here FOR YOU.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Keep an eye out for today's Presented Without Comment, and I'll see you on Monday!

My eyes!

And now, another elevator sign inflicted on unsuspecting coworkers. This one comes to us from my friend KG, who spotted this sign in her office's elevator, and had to run back to her desk to get her camera so we could all enjoy it! For this, we are grateful.

Photo by KG

I just can't even, y'all. Yet another brutal apostrophail. When will we be free of this scourge? WHEN?

Makes me want to stab myself in the eyes. Dramatic? Maybe. BUT THIS IS REALLY AWFUL. I've worked in some bitchy offices, y'all. If one of my coworkers had posted a sign like this, it's very likely there'd have been some sort of apostrophe witch hunt. Which would have been super fun for all involved. Well, maybe not for the person who hung the sign. But that person is trying to kill us, so it doesn't matter.

SIGH. You are already on the computer, sign maker. Ask the internet if you need an apostrophe when you're making something plural. There is no prize at the end of your life for Most Apostrophes Used. JUST STOP IT.

(Thanks, KG!)

Crowdsource

Living in a world where we're surrounded by needless spelling and grammar errors is tough. Sometimes, it gets to be too much. We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore, right? RIGHT! So, what do we do? Kick ass and don't bother taking names? Heavens, no. Tear your coworkers a new one and then burn the building down to the ground? Goodness gracious me. That seems so unnecessary. And violent. And I'm not just nonviolent. I'm lazy. So what AM I going to do? Well, I'm going to get a pen out, and I'm going to make the corrections myself. YEAH. That'll show 'em! Just like these good people.

First, the original:

Photo by MF

And then the corrected version:

Photo also by MF

These signs are in the elevators where my friend MF works. She says a number of these signs are up, and while some have been corrected, others have not. Looking at the corrections, I think the person doing the correcting hit all the major issues. Some of this could have been reworded to make it a little clearer, but I think the corrections indicated are the ones I would have wanted to make as well.

Well done, sign corrector! We applaud your efforts. It really, really does take a village, y'all. There's no shame in asking those around you to help out when you're stuck. That's what friends (and coworkers) are for!

(Thanks, MF!)

Wonky Menu Squee!

Food Wednesday CONTINUES!

It's another glorious wonky menu, y'all. You know how I love 'em. This was sent in by my friend ND. She snapped this pic at a local pizza chain I've never been to. Considering how much I love pizza, that's pretty odd, since it's right around the corner from my apartment. ANYHOO, here's the menu. You will love.

Photo by ND

I don't see any problems ABOVE the salads section. So let's focus our efforts below. I've got a grand total of 3 errors in this small area. Two are right in a row! The Italian salad likely features TOMATO and SALAMI instead of what's listed there, right? I also really hate it when they don't tell me what KIND of cheese is in things. Some cheeses are precious gifts to this earth. Others need to be taken back behind the barn and shot. Is it mozzarella? Provolone? American? WHAT?

The final error is those last two salads. CAESAR is the preferred spelling, according to google. In fact, you get caesar even when you try to google cesar. Unless there's some guy in the back named Cesar who created THIS salad, I'm going to have to suggest they roll with the preferred spelling. It's just a courtesy to the dude who supposedly created the real thing!

Now, tell me what you're having for lunch!

(Thanks, ND!)

Booze helper?

Yay, Food Wednesday! It's back. Did you miss it? I did. Let's get on with it already!

This submission comes to us from my friend AW. Now, I wouldn't be comfortable using a tweet from an individual, in much the same way I won't use a person's Facebook posts. It's just unseemly to pick on an individual in what is essentially, to me, private space. However, if you're tweeting for a company, all bets are off. ESPECIALLY if it's this particular word, and you're representing a LOUNGE.

Nancy Palmer would like to know who to punch. 

It's really just a terrible shame, isn't it? If you're a lounge known for your drinks and you want to be recognized as an authority in that arena, it might be valuable to become familiar with the vocabulary therein. All it would have taken was a quick google. Just for kicks, I tried typing this spelling into google, and it AUTOMATICALLY corrected me, and showed me the results for the correct spelling. Which is SOMMELIER, btw.

I think the first step is for people to realize they don't actually know everything. The second step is to care. People, this makes you AND YOUR COMPANY look dumb. Uncaring. Unknowledgeable. And maybe a bit disrespectful to Nancy, who probably studied for a long time to learn how to do her job. I feel confident she wants the company she works for to take her seriously.

SERIOUSLY.

(Thanks, AW!)

Not THAT kind of newsletter

This is just silly, y'all. Another submission from Mom that she found in her old emails. It's apparently from some sort of high-level executive advice email, in which the executive is advised on how to seek out new companies and opportunities. I think when you're that high up, they are always called "opportunities," and not "jobs." Anyway, if this were just one more letter off, it would mean something COMPLETELY different. Fortunately, it hasn't gotten there. Yet. Maybe it's not able?

I am curious to learn how you know if a company is right for you. 

In case you haven't spotted it yet, it's the third blue line down. If I were an all-important executive, I might not be so excited to take advice from these people! Like I said, one more letter off, and it's a whole different kind of advice column. YIKES.

(Thanks, Mom!)

Your local news is awesome!

Right after college, I moved home. I didn't have a job, so I did what a lot of kids do, and I packed up my things and headed back to Mom and Dad. I was able to get a job at a local theme park after about a month, and I worked there until I moved to Los Angeles the following year. However, while I lived at home, I applied for jobs at EVERY TV station in the area, and some that weren't. I was trying so hard to break into TV news, since that's what I'd trained to do. I knew that I'd have to start small, and that was fine. But I couldn't even convince the small stations to hire me! That was so frustrating. I even applied to our local 24 hours news network, which is haphazardly run, at best. It was pretty new back then, so I thought I had a good chance, but they never even called me.

It's totally their loss, right?

Photo by Mom

Mom snapped this recently while watching that local 24 hour news station. It's tough to see the error. Look at the screen behind her. Allow me to embiggen:

Embiggen sometimes =  BLURRY. Sorry. 

I wish I knew what they were talking about here, in terms of viral videos and social media going TOO far. I think that's the definition of a viral video is for it to spread via social media. If you don't want things to do that, DO NOT upload them to youtube. I mean, right?

Learning when to deploy to, two, and too is really, REALLY not that difficult. I encourage those that might be expected to do so in a public forum to try harder. ONCE AGAIN. If only they'd hired me. This would have never made it past me. YEAH.

(Thanks, Mom!)

We are SOOO classy.

This rather erudite entry comes to us from one of my intelligent and fancy professor friends, MSM. (I have a few professor friends. It turns out it does not rub off on you. One of my friends is an economics professor. I still can't do any math at all. Which makes her very handy to have around when you go out to eat and have to split the bill.) This article on the Archaeology News Network's website discusses the possibility that new pyramid complexes have been located using, of all things, Google Earth. I mean, shut the hell up, right? That there is fancy. These are some VERY smart people we're dealing with. Which, of course, means that they really should have known better.

I didn't even know satellite archaeology was a thing, but it makes sense. 

Do you see it? Second line from the bottom. "Angela is a UNC Charlotte alumnus..." except she's not. She's an ALUMNA, unless she has something she'd like to announce right here in this article.

Although, on another perusal, I notice that the article is VERY CAREFUL to not use any pronouns at all to refer to Angela. Maybe they don't know, either, and don't want to make any assumptions? Maybe Angela is a dude. I guess we just really don't know.

Ok, after a quick google, there is a female Angela Micol on FB who has pictures of pyramids and subscribes to some archaeology stuff. So, um, yeah. This just got creepy. Alumna, y'all. *slinks away*

(Thanks, MSM!)

Monday morning linkage

Monday morning! It's tragic. Here are some links I've been rounding up to help you ease into your work day.

A long while back, Romney's team misspelled America. And now, Obama's camp misspells Israel.
(h/t MLW, via thegatewaypundit.com)

Once again, an error in a sign is fixed! Slow but steady progress, y'all. One day, we'll win!
(h/t MJ, via NY1)

Spelling errors in movies are SPREADING, like a pestilence across the earth. Will we conquer sign errors only to lose movies? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.
(h/t SK, via pleated-jeans.com)

I wish Citi would release how many people actually ticked that box. No option for blow?
(h/t DW, via The Consumerist)

Sometimes your lack of language knowledge can trip you up in the most regretful ways. When in doubt, ask a friend! Ask two friends! Ask the INTERNET.
(h/t IU, via Gawker)

And finally, these fantabulous errors from Regretsy. My favorite? Poke a dot.
(h/t IU, via Regretsy)

Now, go get that second cup of coffee. Don't you feel better?

Presented Without Comment.

Photo by JR's friend

(Thanks, JR!)

Friday Fun Day

Friday again! Hope you made it through the week intact. Mostly intact. Intact enough to drive home and collapse. Whatever! It's been a wacky one, hasn't it? If you need a break, here's the Fug Girls' Abs post from earlier this week, and today's Presented Without Comment is still on the way.

Just to let y'all know, I'm heading home to Florida next week, so that's where I'll be posting from. I wanted to warn you in case the posts come across as cranky or miserable. It's Florida in August. It's going to be surface-of-the-sun HOT, and you might be able to feel it through your screen. I'm heading back for my niece's first birthday, so perhaps the adorable will cancel out at least SOME of the heat.

As always, here's how you can keep in touch:

via Facebook,

Twitter,

and email.

Keep those submissions coming, and have a great weekend! See y'all next week from Hell. Er, I mean Florida.

SWAK

I'm gonna admit here that this one stumped me. My friend JC sent this to me, and I wasn't quite sure what was wrong with it. Here, let me show you.

Photo by JC

I always come down on the side of the Oxford comma, but I do understand that rolling without it is not exactly an ERROR. Especially if you're a journalist. The problem, of course, is BUSSES. Busses is a word. But it's not THIS word. It is not the plural of bus. It's the plural of buss. As in, friendly kisses on the cheek. Which makes sense, because no one wants eating, drinking, or smoking to get in the way of friendly kisses.

To be fair, busses is the listed as an option for pluralizing bus, but it's listed second, and with the possible confusion of people carriers vs. kisses, I think I'd just go with BUSES. That way, you know exactly what you're getting. Unless you want both, and you're more than happy to be surprised. In which case, I wish you well, my friend.

(Thanks, JC!)

To the PAIN!

Job hunting is SO HARD. It is a full-time job in and of itself. I can spend HOURS each day trolling job websites, looking for an opportunity to send my resume to, in the hopes that it might get seen by the right person. And I really don't even know if it's working. In my industry, it's all about who you know, but I can't quite give up on the websites, on the off-chance that I will send a resume to someone who recognizes something I worked on, or knows someone I know. That possibility is enough to keep me going, in the hopes that I might land an interview. Not that that's any guarantee of success. I have been on some DOOZIES. Like the guy that refused to tell me WHERE he wanted to meet. I had to figure it out from his email. Or the woman that chatted with me for over an hour about all the stuff I've done in the past and how interesting it was, and then proceeded to tell me that she couldn't possibly hire me. Oh! Or the guy who stopped the interview cold to point out how well he thought it was going, and how much he enjoyed speaking with me. (He did not hire me.) One of my favorite responses was when the guy told me I was TOO SMART for the job. Well, that's very complimentary and flattering, but if I'm so smart, then why don't I have a job? Why don't you want me to come work for you?

I especially hate it when the interview involves a test of some sort. That's kind of where I thought the guy who wouldn't tell me where to meet was going. Was it a test? Or was he just rude? Who knows. In TV production interviews, you often get asked what kinds of ideas you might bring to the show you're interviewing for. Even if you don't get hired, you will invariably see those ideas turn up on the show the next season, which is SO frustrating. I sometimes think they organize interviews just so they can get some fresh ideas.

As bad as things have been, though, I can safely say that I have never come up against this:

Names blacked out to protect the spelling-challenged.

Last line, y'all. I can do a great many things, but I assure you that I am not qualified to DUEL. Taunt, yes. Duel, no.

I have wondered so many times if it would be ok to include the ad in my email, red-line it, attach my resume, and point out that I know basic grammar and would therefore be an asset to your company, but it seems pushy. Maybe not, though.

(Thanks, AD!)

VERY special

It's been a little while since we've looked at a menu, huh? Just in time, my friend ND sent me this entry from a lunch she had here in LA. It features multiple, erm, issues.

Photo by ND

First, and this is just personal, but I'm not a fan of that font. It thinks it says "Hey, I'm wacky and fun!" But what it actually says is "Hey, slap me in the face before I drive you insane!" It has no business here. Next, since I can see two entries in the photo, I'm going to assume there's more than one special. SPECIALS. I don't actually have a quibble with the period used in the times instead of a colon. In many parts of the world that's how that's done, so I'll allow it. It's certainly not the most egregious problem here. You know which one I mean. DINNING. And what does that phrase even mean? You only get the soda when you dine in? It's a bold choice to drop the Oxford comma and then misspell dining. It's like mixing patterns. Advanced technique, for sure. Not everyone can pull it off.

Needless to say, this menu has not. WE SEE YOU, REBEL YELL.

(Thanks, ND!)

A bargain!

Sometimes, it's possible for an advertisement to be TOO clever. Right? You know what I mean. So clever that it's actually looped back around past Crazy and into Not Sense-Making. I think, without further explanation, that's what happened here.

Photo by AD

I suspect they meant for this to be clever. Quotation marks might have helped sell it, don't you think? Or a wacky font. Something to set this CHEEP apart, so that we know THEY know it's not the way cheap is spelled. It's a fairly serious sign. There are no crazy chickens dancing around, or even baby chickens, or a silly font, or clip art. That lady off to the left looks embarrassed to be there. Though maybe she's just laughing at HOW FUNNY cheap is when spelled that way! She's all, "CHEEP! HA! That Albertsons is SO FUNNY! And AFFORDABLE! AND FUNNY!" JAZZ HANDS! C'mon. Someone talking like that is totally doing jazz hands WHILE talking like that. I'd be doing it, but jazz hands make it hard to type.

I think we can all agree that cheap would have totally sufficed here. Leave the cheeping to the professionals. Adorable baby chickens, of course. In little professional baby-chicken-sized suits! SO CUTE.

(Thanks, AD!)

SKIPPY

Y'all, I'm just going to let my friend BD tell you what's going on here:

"I'm not saying that I DVR'd Virgin Diaries on TLC. But I may have. And this happened."

Well, ok. 

I asked her if there was only one parent, and she said that she wasn't absolutely sure, but that she didn't think so. So, apostrophail, my friends. And that's not the only issue. I'm not even sure of how to address the period that someone dropped in the middle of that sentence.

Here's the thing. When you're writing a script for a TV show of this style, this is how you write it. You put in errant punctuation to indicate how it should be read out loud by the narrator/host. So, when I see this, I know exactly what the writer was thinking. However, when you're outside, you use your outside voice. You have to adapt your writing for the regular folk out there who don't know we do this. Easy peasy:

Skippy is a 34-year-old Mormon virgin.

He lives in his parents' basement.

Full sentences, properly punctuated, message conveyed. This shouldn't have made it past the execs. But in case they're here, I'd like to make them aware that I'm available for work. HI!

(Thanks, BD!)

Words are awesome and pretty.

Times are tough, financially speaking. I don't think this comes as a surprise to anyone. Everyone's feeling the pinch, and trying to or is being forced to cut back. Here's a sad article internet buddy DD sent me recently about a restaurant being forced to sell because business has, understandably, been bad. People just don't have the money to spend anymore. I feel for this woman, and also for the community. It's a loss when a place like this closes down.

Maybe someone will buy it, and she can start up some new place? I hope so. According to the article, she plans to do some traveling and will possibly be taking up art again. However, that tidbit is maybe the only thing in the article that's clear. Because this is one clunky mofo. May I first draw your attention to the headline:

Can you be a reporter AND a staff writer? I guess. Ohhh, wait. That's the name of the paper. Never mind.

The exclamation on the end of this thing gives it sort of a positive spin which I think is really confusing. Not to mention that colon, which is like a wayward manatee that's wandered into cold water. It's just hanging out there, where everyone can see it, useless and awkward, and hoping someone will show it the way out. Why is it even there? It doesn't know. It disavows all knowledge of this entire business. it doesn't even like gyros.

Speaking of wayward colons:

Y'all, that colon is just wrong, no? It should be a comma. I can't get google to confirm this for me, so I'm hesitant to go all medieval on it, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. Remember, I'm not a grammar expert. I just play one on the internet. But also, it could have been avoided entirely. "...adding that such days cause her to ask herself if she's making the right decision." Done and done, colon avoided, bah BAM.

And that is sometimes the real trick of writing. Knowing when to admit defeat, and simply try something else. Rewriting, reworking, editing. It's a good idea to know what your writing faults are when you're a professional writer (I LOVE WORDS AND WANT TO USE ALL OF THEM ALWAYS. IN EVERY SENTENCE.) and how you can avoid them. If you're not great at punctuation, learn tricks to avoid usage or make a friend who's freakishly knowledgable. If you know you need some editing (I do not in any way resemble this.), then find a way to cut yourself down. Unless you're a freelance writer getting paid by the word. Then I think you know what you have to do.

ALL THE WORDZZ. ALL THE TIME. HELLZZZ YEAH.

Also, if you're in this town, go buy a gyro!

(Thanks, DD!)

CHYRON ME, BABY.

Part of this job I used to have involved posting the show I was working on. For those of you who don't know what this means, let me 'splain. Basically, I would work with an editor to take the show we had shot in the studio and get it ready to deliver it to the network. So, we would string it out, filling in segments where they belonged after the host introduced the segments. We would make sure the timing of each act of the show worked, and that the entire show timed out properly, so it would fit in the half hour we were allotted, with commercials. Also, I was in charge of the lower thirds--making sure each person was labelled correctly, and that each movie we were discussing had the correct title. As you can imagine, I was pretty good at this. Checking the movie titles was especially challenging, because as y'all know, studios don't always follow proper grammar rules. They can pretty much do what they want, and you have to match whatever they have, because they own the title in whatever way they've composed it. You follow me? So, if they drop a comma in the wrong place, or capitalize a weird word, or use specific articles, it's the way they want it, so you just have to roll with it. And sometimes, it gets really confusing, because it'll be on the movie poster in all caps, but on the website, it's listed a couple different ways, and you have to sort of guess what they mean.

Anyway, it was a challenge some weeks to come to a consensus on how they wanted their title to look. And there was always someone that disagreed, and that person had to be voted down. And sometimes punched. Ok, never punched. Not that I didn't think of it more than once.

So, when my internet buddy CP sent me this article, with this error, it was that job that came to mind. Because this would have never made it past me:

Do you see it? Bottom line.

This is just tragic to me. In googling for the AP style rules regarding movie titles, nothing said "make sure you spell the words correctly" and "use the entire title," because I feel like AP assumes you will do  that part first. According to google, the correct title is "The Dark Knight Rises." You don't get to drop words, and you certainly must get all the words right. This could have been checked with a very quick google, and for sure, Politico knows better. They just didn't bother. Nor have they gone back in to fix it. Thanks for being an example for America, Politico. Well done. LOSERS.

(Thanks, CP!)

Bunheads, AGAIN.

What show do you love to hate-watch? This is totally thing. No, don't pretend you don't do it. I firmly believe EVERYONE has hate-watched a show at some point or another. How can you not? There's always one show that you believe will one day improve, and you are not going to miss that moment. Until then, you just keep watching, hoping for that diamond while wading through a whole lotta rough. For me, that show is currently Bunheads. We've talked a bit about it before. As a past fan of Gilmore Girls (though I admit I gave up when Rory went to college), I had faith in Amy Sherman-Palladino's ability to balance the chatter and quirkiness with warmth and clever plotting. I'll give you two guesses what Bunheads is still pretty much lacking. That thing is wall-to-wall chatter and quirkiness, no balance, no cleverness, no passing go and collecting $200. NOTHING. And yet. AND YET. My TiVo keeps recording, so I keep watching. What if it suddenly gets good? What if those girls suddenly have depth? WHAT IF I MISSED SOMETHING INTERESTING? I would be disappointed. Besides, I have to support Broadway people in any way I can, right? Even if it makes my eyes and ears weep.

So, when my internet buddy DD sent me this article, I was intrigued. Both by the content and the errors. You can read it for the content on your own time, but while I've got you here, let's look at a couple of the errors.

15 years of ballet classes as a kid, and no one ever, not once, called me a bunhead. 

I suppose this could be debated a bit, but in my head, it would be Debbie Dances en Pointe. And mais oui, bien sur, you're saying pointe all Frenchy in your head, like Pwant. Ok, no you're not. That would be silly. But this phrase is en pointe, no? I suppose the person doing the interview just transcribed it that way, because that's what it sounds like, but yeah. You don't dance ON pointe. You dance en pointe. And look. Wiki agrees with me. Don't trust wiki, y'all. Except when it tells you you're right.

As as aside, my favorite line from that wiki article is this one: sometimes softening the box slightly to allow the shoe to easily bend in demi-pointe.

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAA, wiki! You're funny. "Sometimes softening the box slightly." More like "beating the box to death with a hammer until it vaguely resembles the shape of your foot."

But I digress. ANYHOO, back to the article. Here's the error DD spotted, which is also a good one:

Rapid-fire dialogue is way nicer than my usual term of "jibber-jabber." 

Sigh. Short INtention span? That's what Ryan Murphy has. Each of his shows get about a season and a half of his undivided attention, and then he moves on. His intentions are fantastic early on, but then his brain gloms on to the next big idea. Oh! J.J. Abrams sometimes does this, too. But I feel confident that here, in this context, ASP said ATTENTION. Though I find it hilarious that she says that she doesn't understand why on TV somebody asks you if you want a cup of coffee and it takes you 10 minutes to answer, because, HELLO, Michelle does this in every episode. With the curtains, and the fries, and the flood, and almost any time she talks to Fanny. Which, also, they will LOVE this show in England. FANNY. 

(Y'all, I have no idea what's going on here with the font. I have tried everything to fix it, including resetting all the settings, and it won't go away. It has some sort of disturbing will to live or something. I don't know.)

(Thanks, DD!)